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Styleupguide

Be yourself!



Weeks after pulling off an epic pregnancy reveal on SNL, Cardi B has shared the sex of her baby — she’s expecting a daughter!
The “Bodak Yellow” rapper opened up about the baby, her first with her fiancé, Offset, during an interview for The Howard Stern Show on Wednesday. Asked if she knows what she’s having, she replied, “Yes, I’m having a girl.”,,,,
May 11, 2018 No comments
couple in bed
Photo: Getty
A new study has figured out the optimal frequency of sex for a couple to experience well-being.
John Updike once said, “Sex is like money; only too much is enough." But is there an optimal frequency for how often couples should be sleeping together
May 01, 2018 No comments

Chance are, you're already doing some of these things. 🔥


WESTEND61 VIA GETTY IMAGES
We don’t often associate long-term relationships with hot, earth-shattering good sex. The reality is, plenty of couples have figured out how to keep things fresh in the bedroom even after being together for years. 
What are they doing differently between the sheets? Below, sex therapists share seven habits of couples with the hottest sex lives.

1. They let themselves get excited together, even when sex isn’t on the menu.

Savoring the slow buildup ― drawing it out or teasing each other when you’re out in public and can’t do anything sexually explicit ― is a trait that most couples with hot sex lives share, said New York City sex therapist Stephen Snyder, the author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.
“For most highly passionate couples, sex is just the tip of the iceberg,” he said. “They enjoy feeling aroused together even when it’s not possible to have actual sex or orgasm.”
Sure, that might be a smidge frustrating, but getting all hot and bothered and letting it build gradually can lead to super-intense, satisfying sex when you finally find the right time, Snyder said.

2. Every year, they get a little bit dirtier.

Couples with hot sex lives are always upping the ante in the bedroom. Whether it’s grapefruiting or trying some next-level sex position, they seek out the new and unexplored, said Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist who wrote Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion with her business partner, Danielle Harel.
“One couple we worked with said, ‘Every year, we just got a little bit more dirty,’ and that really captures it,’” Hirschman said. “For a sex life to stay hot in the long term, you have to be willing to be creative and get out of the habitual ruts. Talk dirty. Try new experiences. Do whatever it takes to keep it fresh and fun, and your sex life will stay hot long after other people’s have burned out.”

3. They take care of themselves. 

Couples with hot sex lives understand that feeling confident bolsters their sex drive. That doesn’t mean that they’re hitting Spin class every day and have zero body fat. The kind of confidence and inherent sexiness they possess is more full-bodied and holistic than that, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of the Passion Project: A Couples’ Blueprint to Rediscovering Desire and Reigniting the Spark.
“Phenomenal sex isn’t just about your relationship with your partner. It’s also about your relationship with yourself,” she said. “You have to take care of yourself. That might mean making time for self-care, treating your body right, overcoming sexual shame or guilt or learning new skills, like how to orgasm or how to last longer in bed.” 

4. They laugh in and outside the bedroom.

Sex isn’t always sultry, seductive or hot. Silly things happen when two bodies slap against each other, not to mention funny noises. When awkward moments arise, couples with great sex lives take it in stride and laugh about it, said Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist and an assistant professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine.
“Humor is a great aphrodisiac,” she said. “Laugh during sex. Couples who can leave stress outside of the bedroom and enjoy sex as a fun, temporary escape from reality are more satisfied than those who can’t shift gears and hang on to the stress, anger or resentment of daily life.”

5. They masturbate during sex. 

Here’s a dirty little secret about relationship sex: Masturbating is much more fun when you’re not doing it alone. Plus, in the process, your partner gets a master class on the most reliable ways to please you, said Shannon Chavez, a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles.
“Couples that masturbate together stay together,” she said. “Showing a partner how you touch your body gives them insight into how you want to experience pleasure. It puts you in control of your own desire and allows your partner to participate in your pleasure.”

6. They explore each other’s fantasies. 

In the words of sex columnist Dan Savage, the best sex partners are “good, giving and game.” In other words, they’re skilled in bed (thanks to a lot of practice), they’re generous, and they’re willing to try out whatever their partner’s into, within reason.
The three G’s are especially important in long-term, committed relationships, in which things can easily become stagnant in the bedroom, said Hirschman.
“Long-term couples with hot sex lives know that each person has their own unique erotic imagination,” she said. “They’ve learned their partner’s deepest fantasies and desires and are willing to stretch outside their comfort zone a bit to give their partner what they really, really want in bed.”

7. They kiss and touch throughout the day, just to show they care.

A playful pinch on the butt or kiss before work matters more than you think. Putting a premium on non-sexy-time touch is a great way to remind your partner that you’re content and still very much attracted to him or her, Chavez said. 
“When you touch each other, you feel more connected and loving toward one another. It shows you want to be close to a partner,” she said. “In short, people that caress, hold hands, kiss, massage, rub and stroke each other without the expectation of sex tend to be more relaxed, aroused and sensually connected as couples.”
May 01, 2018 No comments
VISION VIA GETTY IMAGES
In everyday life, most of us aren’t walking around talking about our greatest sexual fantasies and desires. For sex therapists, however, such conversations are all in a day’s work.
Their clients tend to bring up certain turn-ons time and time again, giving these professionals a good sense of what’s popular across the board. We asked our network of sex therapists to share the fantasies their clients mention most frequently. Here’s what they told us: 

1. Having a threesome

“Singles and couples alike fantasize about having three people in the bedroom. Part of the appeal is the sensual overload — so many different body parts all intertwined. A lot of couples like the idea of a threesome for bringing some spark and excitement back into the bedroom.” ―Vanessa Marin, sex therapist

2. Dominance and submission

“We see both men and women interested in dominance and submission. While men are generally more interested in dominating and women more interested in being dominated, this isn’t always the case. Some women are dominant and some men submissive. Fantasies of domination are about power, feeling like you are fully in control of an experience and that the other person will submit to your every whim. There are two super sexy things about submission: The first is the feeling that the sub has all of the attention of their dom, their full focus. The second is the feeling of letting go of control and being taken or used for the pleasure of another.” ―Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, sex therapists and authors of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion 

3. Foot play

“Foot and shoe fantasies are very common, with mostly men reporting them. The fantasies could include being genitally stimulated by a foot, being walked on ... usually in shoes, or just visualizing different types of shoes to get aroused. The image of a foot in a particular type of shoe is very stimulating to some people. This fantasy often starts when people are very young, and it persists. When you think about how shoes are sold and displayed, it’s not surprising that some people eroticize them. It can get stronger when it’s kept secret (which it often is) or when a partner is upset about it. Then the foot fantasy becomes stronger through association with shame, being forbidden fruit.” ―Gracie Landes, sex therapist and marriage and family therapist

4. For straight people, having sex with someone of the same sex

“We tend to think of sexual orientation as binary (heterosexual or homosexual), but these categories are socially constructed concepts that may speak to our general sexual desires but miss the nuance of our innate sexual fluidity and curiosity. When we fantasize about being sexual with someone of the same sex, we get to ponder what it would be like to be touched in ways that are both foreign and familiar (when we touch ourselves) and to break free from some of the gender assumptions that we normally enact.” ―Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

5. Giving your partner multiple orgasms 

“For heterosexual men, bar none, the most consistent fantasy I hear, year after year, is about having an enthusiastic partner who is having a genuinely good time and is freely expressive and responsive to his touch. It may be memories from a previous (particularly hot) sexual experience, or it may be images from porn, or it may be fantasy about a secret crush. But in every case, the woman is enjoying herself immensely and having multiple orgasms.
“This fantasy stems from men often feeling like they need to convince their partners to have sex. Many men share that it is difficult to stay aroused when you know (or suspect) that your partner is not into it. In addition, many men share that when their partner is super turned on, it makes them even more excited, which enhances their sexual satisfaction. It also helps a guy’s ego if he feels he is competent in bed.” ―Kimberly Resnick Anderson, sex therapist

6. Watching your partner have sex with somebody else

“With so many of us striving to be in monogamous relationships, there’s something inherently provocative and taboo about the fantasy of watching our partner have sex with someone else. Watching another’s hand touch our partner’s body or another’s mouth kiss our partner’s mouth reinforces our partner’s desirability while making a predictable attachment suddenly feel unpredictable, taking us back to the early days of infatuation. In the position of the voyeur (even in our own imaginations), we can be in power with our watchful gaze or powerless. Either way, through the lens of fantasy, pain becomes pleasure.”
May 01, 2018 No comments
man carrying woman
Photo: iStock
You’re a master juggler, but between work, friends and family, the truth is sometimes nooky is the last thing on your to-do list. Well, it’s about time you take your sex life off the backburner and heat things up in the bedroom (and shower, kitchen, dining room...). Here's a cheat sheet for getting (and staying) in the mood.
1. Play with Toys
Ladies, the next time your guy is walking the dog or taking a shower, take those few minutes to dig into your goodie drawer. Get a head start with your vibrator and you'll be ripping his clothes off when he's back.
2. Make Out
Remember high school, when the greatest-thing-in-the-whole-wide-world was making out underneath the bleachers? Put a ban on the quick pecks and make sure every kiss lasts at least 10 seconds -- even if it's just a “see you in five minutes" smooch.
3. Rent a Sexy Movie
It doesn't have to be porn -- just find a movie that has a hot sex scene. We like Y Tu Mama Tambien (foreign languages and Diego Luna? Yes please!) and Unfaithful.
4. Fantasize
Write down your erotic fantasies and share them with each other. Now is not the time to be shy -- he'll love hearing your inner desires, and have an even better time making them a reality.
5. Get Steamy
Nothing says sexy better than being hot, wet, naked and surrounded by steam. (Bonus: You'll get a facial at the same time!)
6. Hold a Private “Game Night" for Two
Game nights don't have to be just mellow nights in with a Scrabble board. Spice things up with Foreplay Connect, an erotic game that encourages, should we say, bad behavior (i.e., four in a row really scores). Or try Sexopoly, with risky and frisky cards telling you to do stuff like remove another player's clothes with your teeth. And really, any classic game can be made sexy by adding the word “strip" to it (strip Go Fish, anyone?).
7. Treat Him to a Rubdown
Start with his shoulders -- he'll be so into it, and that'll make you into it. Before you know it, you'll be in the mood for more than just a foot massage.
8. Take a Staycation
Hotels aren't just good for family visits and holidays. Splurge for a night at a local hotel. You'll feel scandalous getting down in someone else's bed, and the “do not disturb" sign guarantees hours of uninterrupted pleasure.
Thanks to sex coach Kim Switnicki and Debby Herbenick, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.
April 30, 2018 No comments
woman on bed
Photo: Getty
Take things up a notch (or ten) in bed with these naughty extras. Warning: Prudes need not read on.
A poll on TheNest.com found that 61 percent of couples have a few fun “extras" hidden in their nightstands. Do you? Here's the down and dirty scoop on some of the most popular in-the-sack sidekicks. (You know, in case you need some...uh...inspiration.)
Vibrators
Still keeping your “buzz"-worthy friend to yourself? You're missing out. Use a vibrator during foreplay with your partner to get things going, and show him where it feels best on you (this will also map out your most sensitive areas for him, which, trust us, can only benefit you). Once he's warmed up to it, try incorporating your vibrator into actual sex -- but don't forget to tell your guy how good he feels too, since no man wants to be replaced by a piece of plastic and two batteries. 
Get it: The Form 2 vibrator works double-duty, and it's waterproof (don't ask). $135, JimmyJane.com
Flavored Lubes
Oral sex feels good, but let's be honest: Sometimes it can leave a bad taste in your mouth (or, it might be you who feels self-conscious about your man roaming around your southern hemisphere). Add a lil' sweetness to both of your kissable parts by squeezing a few drops of lube down there in flavors you both like, whether it's mint, chocolate, cherry, or another fruity variety. Just be sure to do a test run beforehand to make sure the lube doesn't irritate your...area.
Get it: Sweeten things up with Durex Play Passion Cherry lubricant. $7, UndercoverCondoms.com
Pleasure Rings
This rubber ring wraps around the base of your guy's penis and has a teeny tiny vibrator at one end to hit you in juuuust the right spot. It's the perfect option if you're (1) too lazy to manhandle a vibrator during the deed, or (2) just entering the world of sex toys and want to start with something not too intimidating. All you have to do is push it down to the base of your guy's penis during foreplay and then have sex like you normally would—only this time, with a more intense orgasm for you.
Get it: It might look like lips, but these vibrating lips don't go on your mouth. Hot Lips Vibrating Cock Ring, $6.99, EdensFantasy.com
Dildos
Okay, so we're going to say it: Dildos are ugly. Plus, you might feel a little strange watching your guy pull a fake penis out from your nightstand when he's got a perfectly good real one. But here's why you need to get over that: Sometimes your guy gets tired, or he orgasms before you do. Whatever the reason, a dildo can help. So stop being a hater and whip this bad boy out, even if you have to turn the lights off first. 
Get it: Some dildos look like penises -- others look like pretty bathroom candles. For the latter, try the Jade Engraved Lotus Dildo. $355, CocodeMerUSA.com
Textured Condoms
We're going to go ahead and guess that you've experienced “ribbed for her pleasure" before, but there's actually a slew of other tantalizing textures out there ready to be explored. Have your guy wear a studded condom covered in raised dots to help you feel his every move even more intensely, or go with a condom that's ribbed but with a wider tip so that the most sensitive part of his penis isn't constricted but you're still getting extra traction. Tip: If you haven't tried textured rubbers before, have your guy go slow the first time around -- for some women, the extra friction can be uncomfortable. 
Get it: With three inches of raised “studs," Beyond Seven Studded Condoms are sure to have you screaming (in a good way). $7 for pack of 12, CondomDepot.com
Sexy Dice
Not all sex toys are directly for stimulation. Break up your sex routine with naughty dice telling you to lick, kiss, and touch different parts of each other's bodies. Some dice are more adventurous than others, so read the package closely before heading to the checkout counter. You can also get creative using regular dice from a board game and assigning your own actions to each number. If you do this, memorize which moves go with which numbers beforehand -- there's nothing sexy about referencing an index card during the deed.
Get it: Test your luck with Dirty Dice. $7, Babeland.com
RestraintsPlayfully tying your partner up (or letting him tie you up) can be a totally sensual experience -- especially if you use a blindfold so you can't predict his next move (or vice versa). Look online or in your favorite sex shop for sets with “handcuffs" made with soft fabric and Velcro so you can experience the excitement without the hardcore edge of metal cuffs and duct tape (unless you're into that). 
Get it: Bondage gets a playful twist with Adam & Eve Bedroom Bondage Kit. $70, AdamEveToys.com
April 30, 2018 No comments
hero

Superpower Your Kegels for a Healthy Pelvic Floor—and Better Sex

One hundred Kegels a day. That’s what it takes to make an enormous difference to our health and well-being, according to a study in the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology. Intentional, repetitive contractions of the pelvic floor, Kegels tone and strengthen the muscles, ligaments, and vaginal connective tissues that cradle and control the bladder and bowels. (Stop your urine flow midstream: Now you know what a Kegel is.) If a stronger bladder cradle isn’t exciting to you, consider this: A consistent Kegel practice sets the stage for better orgasms and better sex in general, according to gynecologist Carolyn Delucia, the executive medical director at the VSpot MediSpa in New York. “Having better control of those muscles allows you to contract them during intercourse, increasing friction and pleasure,” Delucia says, explaining that strengthening the pelvic floor can also make for easier childbirth and can prevent (or lessen) incontinence, along with uterine prolapse.

  • Elvie Trainer

    ELVIE 
    ELVIE TRAINER
    goop, $199
We’re huge fans of Kegels here at goop, and huge fans of the Elvie tracking device that makes getting to one hundred a day way easier. “It’s a wonderful little device,” Delucia enthuses. “Most women don’t know how to do Kegels correctly. They bear down, which doesn’t engage the muscles. Instead, they need to be lifting up. The Elvie teaches you how to do a Kegel correctly.”
The beautifully designed and user-friendly Kegel tracker is streamlined and pod-shaped, made of nontoxic medical-grade silicone, and slips into the vagina like a tampon. The pod connects to an app, so that as you contract and relax your pelvic floor—think of it as gentle weight lifting to tone the muscles—you can gauge your strength and even see it improving with each five-minute session.
Once it’s in, Elvie is surprisingly comfortable. The app helps turn a daily Kegel workout into something of a visual game, which is super motivating. If you’re not using an Elvie or doing Kegels regularly, Delucia says a continual yoga or Pilates practice can also help keep pelvic-floor muscles in shape; Lauren Roxburgh’s exercises are also life-changing.
The effort is worth it: Shockingly, three out of four women experience some form of incontinence in their lifetime, says Delucia. “Incontinence is mostly the consequence of compromised pelvic-floor muscles. Childbirth or no childbirth, the vaginal tissue naturally weakens over time; collagen and elasticity degrades.” In uterine prolapse, the ligaments holding the uterus in place become lax, causing the uterus to herniate into or beyond the vagina. It’s more common than one might think: 40 percent of participants in a Women’s Health Initiative trial in the US reported some degree of prolapse, according to a 2007 study.
Our modern sedentary lifestyles are largely to blame for our pelvic-floor issues. Lack of physical activity atrophies all our muscles. We’re also having larger babies because of better nutrition, and giving birth to them can cause strain. Menopause can also trigger changes. But Delucia is adamant that we can avoid most pelvic-floor issues by keeping our pelvic muscles robust with targeted exercises.
To augment work with an Elvie or any sort of Kegel practice, a new breakthrough noninvasive device called BTL Emsella rehabilitates feeble pelvic-floor muscles. It was FDA-cleated this year to prevent and treat incontinence, and it reduces the likelihood of developing prolapse. One thirty-minute session essentially performs 11,000 Kegels—correct ones—for you. You sit, fully clothed, on a chair containing a powerful magnet that conducts electromagnetic energy to stimulate the pelvic floor, for twenty-eight minutes. “The energy is focused on the ten pelvic-floor muscles, so that all contract simultaneously and evenly when you sit in the chair,” says Delucia. Emsella neither hurts nor feels especially great (the sensation is sort of like a consistent wave of vibrations; the intensity can be adjusted). “The value of Emsella is that it allows you to perform effective Kegels every time without human error or fatigue. It retrains the pelvic floor in much the way doing curls retrains your biceps,” she continues.
It would take close to sixty-two hours of doing Kegels to equal a single Emsella session, which ranges from $300 to $500, depending on where you live. A series of six sessions (two a week), plus a yearly follow-up, may sound pricey, but it comes with impressive results: In clinical studies, 67 percent of Emsella-treated patients decreased the use of hygienic pads for incontinence or eliminated them completely, while 95 percent reported significant improvement in quality of life.
The best results, Delucia says, involve combination therapy. “Incorporating the Elvie is fabulous; I think everybody should go home with one after an Emsella treatment. It’s the best way to maintain those muscles. The Elvie may make it so that you actually might not have to come back once a year.”
The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies. They are the views of the expert and do not necessarily represent the views of goop. This article is for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that it features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.
April 30, 2018 No comments
From hot baths to sex cocktails.

Getty Images
No one actually needs to rally for the wonders of an orgasm when there's enough research—as psychologist and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini explains—that the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and endorphins can boost the immune system and decrease stress and anxiety.
But when there's still a wide "pleasure gap" to bridge today—the term describing the slim number of women who experience orgasms during sex in relation to men—the main question is how.
Below, we consulted advice from across the scientific spectrum, from medical studies to sexperts to sex therapists, on ways to enhance the female orgasm and feel connected to your partner without giving up your primal right to come.

1. Ramp up the Foreplay

A study in the journal Hormones and Behavior shows that an increases in the "love drug" oxytocin helped couples have more intense orgasms. It doesn't require any supplements for a big boost in the hormone, though, as your average cuddling, hugging, kissing, and bonding activities can do the trick. Make sure to carve out more bonding time with each other or extend your foreplay sessions before sex to enhance your sexual performance.

2. Delay Gratification

Instead of speeding toward the finish line, science says that building your way up to the brink of an orgasm then stopping—otherwise known as edging—and building yourself back up to the point of climax can encourage better, stronger orgasms.

3. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise

Sign up for a 5K race or schedule a game of tennis. Merely anticipating a competition triggers a 24 percent boost in testosterone for women, according to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. And any increase in that hormone also drives up your libido, so consider it a win-win. Plus, exercise stimulates blood flow to the genital area, increasing desire and lifting your mood.

4. Turn Up the Heat

Prior to sex, take a hot bath, or—if you're short on time—place a warm washcloth over your vulva for a few minutes. Heat boosts blood flow to your vagina, leading to increased lubrication and sensitivity, says Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure.

5. Try the Tantric Method

As tantric instructor Dawn Cartright explains, harnessing the power of breath can slow down your mind and make it hyper-sensitive to full-body sensations. Open yourself up to orgasmic joys by breathing and rocking together, then tightening your PC muscles before sex.
Getty Images

6. Sip a Sex Tonic

Let an ancient sex stimulant work its magic: Warm some milk, add a pinch of saffron, and drink up, says Aliza Baron Cohen, author of Sex: Rediscovering Desire Through Techniques & Therapies.Saffron, which releases its intense flavor when heated, has been considered an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Or, take one of Amanda Chantal Bacon's cult-favorite Sex Dust formulas for a spin.

7. Recharge Your Batteries

Women who use vibrators say they have an easier time reaching orgasm during (vibrator-free) sex with a partner, according to a survey of 1,656 women conducted by the Berman Women's Wellness Center. If you're tech-friendly, try a vibrating "bullet" attachment that's discreet enough to fit in your pocket (or on your neck). Or, get him in the action with one of the many couples' vibrators out there, from the We-Vibe to the Eva.

8. Strike at the Optimal Moment

During the first two days of your cycle, your testosterone levels surge, your libido soars, and your breasts and clitoris become ultra-sensitive, says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. Intense orgasms may happen more easily than usual—and multiples are much more likely. Experts also suggest timing sex in the early morning when men experience their highest testosterone levels, or in the afternoon on weekends when women tend to ovulate.
"For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase."

9. Step Up for a Quickie

For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase, suggests Sex for Busy People and The Field Guide to F*cking author Emily Dubberley. If you're shorter than your guy, stand a step or two above him. Face him or turn toward the railing so he can enter you from behind. (Hint: Grip the rail for leverage—and don't lean over too far!)

10. Try a New Rhythm Method

Majorly elevate your odds of climaxing during sex with the Coital Alignment Technique, says Dubberley. Have your partner lie on top of you, with his pelvis directly over yours. Wrap your legs around his thighs and rock together gently. Push up and forward so that your clitoris makes contact with the base of his penis. Patience is key: Find your rhythm and stick to it until you orgasm.
April 29, 2018 No comments
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